By Scott Zsalt
Rochdale physicist Dr. Athelstan J Bilsborough says that he is overwhelmed by donations and investments into his Rochdale Time Travel Lab this year.
“I have been researching time travel and trying to build a time machine for years,” says Dr Bilsborough, “But I rarely had enough enough cash to do much.”
This all changed back in January 2016 when a donation for research arrived. For a million pounds!
“There was a cheque and a picture of Lemmy and Bowie,” says the temporally obsessed boffin, “and scribbled on the picture was ‘You know what needs to be done,’ in black felt tip.”
The Doctor, who locals call Dr Who, began work on his time machine immediately. He says he's had some small successes but it isn't quite there yet.
“I burnt out the diresonating flux restrictor in June but just after the Brexit vote I received another few million quid and the donations and investments keep coming in!”
With Prince and many others being ripped out of 2016, the Time wizard has received millions and millions to help his research into, specifically, going back in time.
But the biggest boost to his research came this week from a new American investment company called H&WC Investments.
“They sent me an mp4 of Donald Trump speeches, a copy of the election results and a picture of a scorched city with 2020 written on it,” says the Doc, “and 20 billion dollars.”
“It's quite an incentive,” he continues, “having Trump as president but even if I can go back in time the question remains: do I just change things so 2016 isn't so bloody awful or do I make it so 2016 never happens in the first place?”
We don't know the answer. Leave a comment if you do.