Donald Tusk, President if the EU Commission, has said that Britain can have “a special relationship” with the EU which includes all telesales, street canvassing and “hygiene services” jobs following Donald Trump’s victory.

Whilst Mrs May has not commented on whether the surprise victory for Trump will impact on when the UK triggers Article 50, Mr Tusk said that the EU would now be triggering “Article 51” termed the “How You Liking Us Now” clause.

Tusk, speaking through gales of laughter bordering on hysteria, said that the UK could always become the “51st State of the United States of Armageddon” if they didn’t like the prospect of being “Belgian toilet inspectors”.

Boris Johnson was not available for comment as he was taking his usual “post-disaster vote sabbatical”.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.