The editor of The Daily Mail is said to be in a critical condition this afternoon after learning that Prince Harry’s new girlfriend is mixed race.

Mr Dacre is thought to have suffered from an explosive brain aneurism while writing an article without using the words ‘American’ or ‘Mulatto’ to describe Harry’s beautiful and talented girlfriend Megan Markle.

“It’s been an awful week” a spokesbrownshirt told us “first there was that whole thing about not getting the Royal Prerogative back and that ‘openly gay’ judge thing and now this. We can’t have a, well you know? One of them, you know in line for the throne.”

When we said we had no idea what he was talking about. He went purple and whispered something about “brown people” before collapsing.

A Doctor told us;

“The pressure must have been incredible for a man like Dacre not to use words like Yankee, or black when describing Miss Markle. If he hadn’t snuck in a barbed comment about ‘African Jewelry’ this could have been much, much worse, or better I suppose.”

Mr Dacre is unlikely to survive the night.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.