People across Syria are united in prayer tonight as Britain is bombarded with heavy rounds of fireworks, the worst we’ve seen in weeks.

“It’s horrendous” said Beryl Belcher “It’s dead smoky outside and the bangs have ruined me Strictly.”

Sitting by the side of his injured son in a burnt out hospital in Allepo, Ahmed Nasir said;

“We Syrians will be praying for our English brothers and sisters tonight. What they are going through right now is unimaginable, especially with all them frightened dogs. It’s the least we can do as their bombs are smart and only get the baddies.”

A petition to ban fireworks, BBQ’s, inflatable pools and anything else deemed fun hit 500,000 signatures earlier today.