Welsh First Secretary Carwyn Jones has changed his mind on Welsh Independence after it was announced that Gareth Bale’s new contract has doubled the GDP of Wales.

Footballer Bale who plays for Real Madrid is now to be paid £6m per week and that even includes the summer when he gets to play rugby.

“I was shocked when I heard it” said First Minister Jones “honestly, I didn’t think that much money even existed! But once I calmed down I was able to compose myself long enough to ring Theresa May to tell her to kiss my coal-dusted arse – we’re off!”

With a grass-roots movement “Change 1 Letter for the Better” now behind the move it is thought that they will change its name to “Bales”. However early excitement is now giving way to some pragmatism. Welsh Assembly Finance Minister Davies-the-Bank said “er, it’s really not clear that Gareth will want to pay for all this you know? Has anyone asked him?”

Gareth Bale was unavailable for comment although a spokesman did confirm that he had bought Barry Island and was spending the day on the Bumper Cars.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.