This week’s edition of Great British Bake Off was ruined when God interfered during Gay Cake Week. 

The contestants had been asked to make Fairy Cakes, Chocolate Ring Doughnuts and a large pile of French Fancies, when God manifested through Mary Berry and said he wasn’t having any of this poofy patisserie behaviour anymore.

He declared that the fairy cakes would be stripped of their wings and cast down, and anyone mentioning soggy bottoms would indeed be smited most harshly.

He continued; “I made many beautiful things in this world, and you lot will NOT gay up the innocent unsullied beauty that is Bake Off. That Brand woman tries my patience on Extra Slice, but I let that shit slide because I love the mental audience bakes.”

At this point Sue Perkins interjected with a comment about excess glazing on the chocolate rings, and God had no choice but to burn the tent down.

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