A vegan has reportedly completed the Great South Run today, without feeling the need to tell everyone that A) he’s a vegan B) He’s completed the Great South Run and C) he’s a vegan.

The alleged incident is said to have happened today on the 10 mile circuit between Southsea and Southsea.

Colin E Flower (Col, to his friends), set the record books alight today by performing the so called impossible feat of not having to tell everyone about stuff they don’t give a shit about.

The news only came out when Col’s girlfriend and fellow vegan, Ava Cado, muscled in on an interview which was taking place in close proximity to where she happened to be stood, to say, “Hi, I’m a vegan and my name is Ava. My boyfriend, Col, is also a vegan and he’s just completed the Great South Run and I’m a vegan. We’re both vegans”.

Friends of Col, who witnessed the the whole thing unfold on local television, were left aghast at such a revelation.

Friend, Steve told us, “I didn’t know Col was a vegan and that he was running today. I mean, you know someone’s a vegan or a distance runner before you know their name. It’s the first thing they tell you and it’s repeated on a loop from then on. It’s the code”.

Another friend, who wished to remain unnamed, told us, “Apparently, Col goes to the gym too! None of us believed that either, because he’s never posted topless pictures of himself on a treadmill or in a mirror all over Facebook or Instagram with hashtags like #Pumped, #DrivingIron and #GymSelfie like the rest of us ‘roid heads, but he’s obviously been training and exercising somewhere. I just don’t get it”.

We made contact with a modest Col for a few soundbites, who simply told us, “Seriously, who cares? It’s no big deal”.

Colin’s silence regarding such mundane and trivial matters, has since seen him disowned by some of his friends, dumped by his vegan girlfriend, publicly shamed by vegans from around the world and dumped by his vegan girlfriend.

Did we mention his girlfriend is a vegan?

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.