Sun readers are said to be thrilled this morning after campaigning to scrap the age of consent and redefine sexual maturity with dentistry.

The Sun will no doubt be delighted that Donald Trump is unlikely to be convicted of the rape of a 13 year old girl after telling a judge the victim “has the teeth of a 21 year old.”

Mr Trump is accused not only of sexually assaulting countless women in his day to day dealings with the world he is now facing serious criminal charges in court. It is alleged he forced a 13 year old girl to give him oral sex on one occasion and on another forcibly had unprotected sex with her while she begged him to at least put on a condom. Apparently he refused to do even that.

Sun Readers, who are now experts on identifying the ages of teenagers by simply looking at them, were delighted at the news.

“That bird what Donald had sex with was well fit. I know my birds and she was definitely older than 13. I looked at topless pictures of teenagers in the Sun for decades. She was definitely up for it you can tell by her teeth.”

Sun readers have been helping officials and experts who are busily rescuing child refugees from the Calais Jungle by guessing their age based on photographs and their teeth.

A Trump spokesman told us;

“Donald meticulously inspects the teeth and tits of all children before groping or ‘dating’ them. He assures us that he makes sure ‘his’ women have a full set of adult teeth before ‘dating’ them. No milk teeth. It’s a hard and fast rule, Donald has standards you know.”

Sun Readers and Gary Glitter are thrilled at the news that their logic about child refugees will be used to defend paedophiles in the future.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.