Nigel Farage is in hospital today after coming to the defence of ludicrously abhorrent comments made about women by Donald Trump.

Mr Farage, the interim leader of UKIP, said the remarks were “ugly” but something “if we are being honest that men do”.

Nigel was astonished to learn that real men don’t think it’s okay to disrespect women verbally or physically in any circumstances.

He was apparently particularly astonished to learn that there are many, many real men who love their daughters and respect their wives who’d “beat the snot out of him” for trying to drag society back to an era where casual sexism is the norm and women are habitually sexually assaulted by dickheads whilst going about their daily business.

Mr Farage was meeting a group of 400 fathers to discuss his defence of Mr Trump when, according to 400 witnesses, he tripped on a step and broke both his legs, his arms, his nose, his jaw, 8 fingers, all of his ribs and his eye socket. He apparently kicked himself in the testicles 27 times during the freak fall.

Fortunately there were several police officers at the scene, who coincidentally are fathers to teenage daughters, who were able to stop Nigel from kicking himself to death and call an ambulance.

Paramedics who reached the scene, who also are parents to daughters, were able to stabilise Mr Farage after he suffered additional testicle injuries when a faulty stretcher failed six times on the way to A&E.

Dr Graham Shipman, a father of twin girls, who is attending Nigel at Rochdale’s world famous testicle trauma unit said;

“Mr Farage is in a serious but stable condition. We’ll see what we can do about that this evening.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.