100 BBC stars are to be anally probed as punishment for their historical sex crimes, in what the taxman is calling “Operation Free Lego Toy’

daily_mail_8_10_2016

As the value of the pound plummets, Clarkson is forced to sell all of his cars and travel via camel instead. No one cares though, because he’s a bellend.

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In power at last, Theresa May casts off her human suit revealing her true feral form, before savagely tearing liberals limb from limb.

daily_mail_5_10_2016

It is what it is. Wankers in clown masks think it’s funny to terrorise small children and the elderly. Wankers.

daily_star_8_10_2016

The Daily Mail follows it’s normal hateful form by warning us that Syrian children are gonna get us. And then steal our jobs, probably. And claim our benefits.

daily_mail_6_10_2016

As Hurricane Higgins inconveniences America (and also decimates Haiti a little bit), Philip Hammond warns: “Hurricanes are the new normal weather. Wear a warm jumper to work.”

the_independent_8_10_2016

Savers get some good news at last, as they are told that for every £100 they place in a savings account, one member of UKIP will get sparked the fuck out.

daily_express_7_10_2016

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