News is emerging that 1990’s TV stars Rosie and Jim have been arrested and are now facing deportment following the repeal of the European Convention on Human Rights.

The TV stars, real names Bratislav & Latoya Dostoyevski, are understood to have arrived in Birmingham on a makeshift boat or “barge” in the late 1980’s as asylum seekers from Eastern Europe.

Their case first came to light during Operation Yewtree. “Rosie & Jim” presenter John Cunliffe was one of the first TV personalities to be investigated after complaints were made that he had been telling children for years that;

“I live on a boat with dolls; I like to pretend they come to life; would you like to come on board and see?”

The Dostoyevski’s illegal status came to light during the investigation having lived in the labyrinthine canal network of the West Midlands for over 30 years. However they were given leave to remain after successful asserting their “Right to Family Life” with Duck, their adopted son.

Sadly with the repeal of the ECoHR the family are now facing deportation but their case has been picked up by The Rochdale Herald. Sign the Rochdale Herald Petition – “Hands of John Cunliffe’s Dolls Although to be 100% Clear He is Absolutely Not a Paedophile.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.