Fears that the Killer Clown Scare had found its way from the United States to Rochdale have been given a custard pie in the face today.

Headteacher of Wiggingbottom Primary school in Rochdale had to comfort hundreds of terrified children, and their equally terrified parents, when reports of a clown sighting by the school woods started pouring in.

“A number of children, in floods of tears, told me this morning that they had seen a creepy clown hanging around,” said Headteacher Billy-Anne Smart, “but on further investigation it turns out that this is a route that local MP Simon Danczuk takes every morning.”

A Greater Manchester Police spokesfuzz said:

“Whilst clowns and Simon are both horrific whilst mistakenly believing themselves to be funny, the similarities end there. We have no reports of killer clowns who creepily appear in inappropriate places with huge cleavers or axes and we urge people not to become hysterical when there’s no evidence that murderous, flesh eating, serial killer clowns are even a thing. Regarding Mr Danczuk, he is thought to not to be dangerous to children under 17.”

“A great sense of relief has spread through the school,” said local parent Cheryl McNugget, “That people round here voted for Danczuk is pretty scary, but he himself isn’t. At least not compared to killer clowns.”

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