British companies are to be made to publish lists of how many employees are nasty and racist, under new plans announced by home secretary Amber Rudd. 

It is believed that the move will allow non-native job seekers and those with a touch of the tar-brush about them to weigh up the pro’s and cons of having a career, against spending their entire day in uncomfortable dread that someone might bring up the subject of politics.

Business group the CBI welcomed the plans and released this statement,

“Britain has some of the finest racist businesses in the world. We’ve long been admired for the skill and craftsmanship of our bigotry, and going into the Brexit trade negotiations this would be an opportunity to showcase that, and prove to the world that Britain is indeed open for business. Unless you are darkies.”

The Home Secretary also intends to roll out the plan over the next few years to include in the lists employees who are Gay, Labour members, Ginger or Northern. 

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