Children in Aleppo have called for an official Day of Mourning as they grieve in solidarity with the Kardashian family for the loss of some shiny trinkets.

Loud wailing could be heard echoing through the rubble-strewn streets as the remaining surviving children wept uncontrollably. There are only thirty doctors remaining in Aleppo and they provided comfort to the children.

Other medical staff caught the first available flight out of Aleppo immediately after they heard the news.

“We just know it is our duty,” a spokesperson said, “to provide comfort and medical assistance as much as we can. That’s why we’re heading to the States. The Kardashians need all the help they can get.”

Children in Aleppo have been working hard to replace Kim’s shiny crap and have created a crowdfunding campaign. The rattling of tin cans has been audible as children carefully navigate the debris asking for donations.

“It’s our duty as human beings,” one of the children said. “After all the Kardashians have given to the world, it’s a matter of ethics. It’s only right that we give something back.”

The Daily Mail are running back to back articles about Kim’s nipples in a show of support.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.