A plan to devolve police powers in Rochdale has been given the green light. This will be the biggest shakeup in policing since since Robert Peel
introduced the police force in 1829.

The plan involves a new concept of self policing, as part of the trial every resident of Rochdale will be issued a truncheon, handcuffs and riot gear.

The cost savings will be somewhere in the region of 7 million per year.

Concerns have been raised that both criminals and non-criminals will have
batons and handcuffs, Crime Commissioner Billy O’Naire attempted to play these fears by saying;

“Law abiding citizens far outnumber wrongdoers and we will be able to enforce law through our strength in numbers”

Local resident Robin Spree was quoted as saying;

“The first arrests I’m going to make is Justin bloody Bieber, no one should be allowed to release music like that, it’s criminal”

Whether this is going to be a success or not, only time will tell, but in the interests of my personal safety I’m locking myself in the shed until it all blows over.

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Dermot writes all of his articles in mixed media (mostly crayons and drool) he finds this style most fits his journalistic style, these are then sent to a room with 100 monkeys at typewriters, eventually something is published.