GCHQ, the British spy agency that is regularly exposed for bugging our phones and nicking our online data to spy on us, has announced that it wants what is being called a Great British Firewall.

“It’s totally legit and stuff,” said Cyber Security Head, 009, in response to privacy concerns. “China has one! It’s totally to protect people from spammers, hackers and people with naughty intentions. Just like the Chinese one is!”

The plan would be to have a national DNS filter run by private companies, where websites or internet traffic without a licensed and approved domain name would be blocked.

“If you’re against this,” continued 009 (real name Ciaran Martin), “then you’re a terrorist sympathising commie! In fact we know you are because we read all your… Er, nevermind.”

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When the aeons of war left the gods dead and the universe decimated, a single duck rose from the ashes and stood for justice and freedom! It wasn't me, that duck, but we look quite bit alike.