An in-depth study by Rochdale Community University has found that, due to immigration, by the year 2100 core British traditions such as Christmas may be no more.
The festival celebrating the birth of a middle-eastern man born over 2,000 years ago has been popular for many years among Britons who enjoy days off, excessive food, drink and debt.
The festival is the most important in the Christian calendar that was introduced and happily accepted by Britons in the 4th century, when they were informed that if they didn’t celebrate it they could spend the entire holiday being horribly tortured and burned at the stake instead.
But mass immigration of different cultures and beliefs will see a dilution of the number of people who observe the very British tradition of believing the teachings of a foreigner who is the spirit of his own father.
Lead researcher in the Religious Lies laboratory at the Rochdale Community University, Malcolm Tent, has this to say on the study:
“We found that due to an influx of people who believe in a different fictional book, the belief in the fictional book we’ve had imposed on our lives for 1700 years has waned, as people realise both books are fictional and put a big emphasis on banning things that are any fun. Like fornication with lots of different people.
“This, coupled with the determination of shops to start celebrating the next Christmas two days after the last, has led many people to question if they can be arsed anymore.”
The study also looked at other truly British festivals like May Day, and questions whether the rise of other religions may call for it to be cancelled. Mr Tent had this to say:
“The festival where everyone gets a day off to get drunk and the ladies dance round a highly stylised effigy of a huge cock? Can’t see that being banned anytime soon, no.”