Rumours were circulating around the editorial bunker yesterday that the man arrested for masturbating outside of Primark was local pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk.

Despite getting our hopes up it turns out that it was somebody else, and not even in Rochdale. Disappointingly it was an Iraqi bloke called Faisal Hemdadi in Swansea.

So for clarity Simon Danczuk was not caught masturbating beside the bins outside of Primark in Rochdale.

More on this as it breaks.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.