Apple is to sue Samsung after the Korean electronics giant recalled its flagship Galaxy Note 7 smartphone after the battery repeatedly blew up during or after charging.

“We have received several reports of battery explosion on the Note 7 that was officially launched on August 19… and it has been confirmed that it was a battery cell problem,” the President of Samsung’s mobile business Foo King-Bang told reporters.
However this could spell big trouble for Samsung with their US rival. Apple VP of Corporate Narcissism, Elmer Fudd, said;

“We are examining our Intellectual Property very carefully. Whilst most of our battery patents relate to piss-poor performance, rapid discharge, long charge times and expensive replacement we believe that the cover-all clause relating to being ‘generally shit’ could have been infringed by Samsung on this occasion”
Samsung declined to comment officially. However a senior figure in the business did tell us that;
“If Bill Gates & Steve Jobs want get some friends together and want to come to Korea to get money out of me & my friends then they are more than fucking welcome to try.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.