Donald Trump today paid a flying visit to Mexico for talks with President Pena Nieto. 

Amongst his entourage was his new Foreign Policy adviser Jeremy Clarkson, hired in line with Trump’s current policy of comedy advisers. Clarkson apparently had impressed Mr Trump with his no nonsense approach to other races, his love of double denim and high quality hair.

Talks were apparently quite good natured, President Nieto is said to have laughed a lot.  Talks about the wall and who would pay for it are believed to have taken the longest, with Mr Trump being made to have a time out after throwing a tantrum as he realised he wasn’t getting his way. At which point Mr Clarkson interjected with some witty asides about the laziness of Mexicans, the state of their car industry and what role, if any, they played in WW2.

Say “I will not stamp my feet and call people poopy heads” 100 times, Donald

When he returned, Mr Trump had run out of subjects to talk about so hastily beat a retreat, chased by elements of the Mexican organised crime syndicates, who are shocked by Mr Trump’s lack of morals. He then held a press conference and blatantly lied to his electorate about what was said at the meeting to rapturous applause.