The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw,  has today encouraged consumers to opt for “smart energy” devices which will enable her to keep her job at times of peak energy usage. 

With spare electicity supply capacity at peak times now rumoured to be only 0.1%, management at the National Grid is considering burning its copious amounts of excrement filled trousers to keep warm. 

A spokesman told the Herald;

“Well after Theresa May scrapped the Department for Energy and Climate Change, because apparently that’s not a real thing, we at least had all their office furniture to burn. This kept us going for a few weeks. We’re now waiting for Brexit so we can burn the Foreign Office, if we are lucky that will see us through the winter.”

Keep warm this winter
Nicola Shaw said in her first press statement;

“If I am to keep my poisoned chalice of a job, ensuring a reliable supply of electricity to a country with a rising population of mainly elderly people who don’t like being told they can’t do something. Without any new constant electricity generating capacity being built, only intermittent renewables, then it’s imperative for consumers to go out and buy lots of expensive gadgets to connect to the grid and help me do that.”

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High mistress of the underworld, destroyer of souls, collector of small pottery cats. Also one of the country's premier frock enthusiasts.