Speaking from inside a tent made entirely of tinfoil, Deputy Leader of the The Labour Party told us that Aliens from the planet Luminx8-B Delta are responsible for the entryist tactics that he now believes are behind Jeremy Corbyn.

“Shh!” he told us, “They’re everywhere! The communist aliens have been disguising themselves as middle-class idiots selling papers outside Woolworths for years but now they’re putting their master plan to take over the world into action!”

According to Watson, the idea that people might actually be politically left of establishment politicians is proof positive that Trotsky aliens are infiltrating the party.

“The only way forward is to reintroduce fundamentally undemocratic electoral college systems otherwise people who want better health provision that’s free at the point of use, equality of opportunity and other pinko nonsense might take over! If it’s not already to late!”

He then started dribbling and mumbling something about Stalin being made of red cheese and reality being a shade of D minor squared.

Rumours that Mr Watson has either lost it or is trying to stoke the same paranoia that the establishment used to prevent a leftward trend in 1980’s Labour are both being denied strongly.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.