To celebrate the 50th anniversary of the world’s inaugural mass shooting event at the University of Austin in Texas law makers have passed a very special law to mark the occasion.

On August 2nd 1966 Charles Whitman, shot his wife and then set himself up on the top of The Clocktower at the University in Austin with a high powered rifle and proceeded to shoot dead 17 students and wound a further 30.

“It seems only right to celebrate the life and marksmanship of this man by passing a law allowing all students the opportunity to participate in future college massacres in the future. After all he was a veteran and a good shot. Yeehaw!” Vice Principal William Hickock told The Herald.

The new legislation, passed on the same day as the anniversary of America’s first mass shooting, will allow all students to carry concealed firearms on university campuses in Texas was passed without so much as a hint of irony by state lawmakers.

“For too long college tragedies have been dominated by lone-wolves, now anybody can get involved. All you need is a driving licence and the money to buy a gun.” Republican Congressman Colt Smithnwesson the Third told us. “Yeehaw!” He added.

Lawmakers are still struggling to understand how people going about their day can keep being shot by heavily armed members of the public despite increasing numbers of the public being heavily armed. “It’s a mystery we may never solve.” An NRA spokesman told us.

Like it or not Charles Whitman has forever changed the cultural landscape of America, maybe they could build him a nice statue next.

Get monthly highlights in your inbox

SHARE
Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.