Boris Johnson today ran into further hot water, or perhaps hot oil, over comments responding to Nicola Sturgeon’s view that only an Independent Scotland could protect itself from the “Brexit Fallout”.

In what have come to be known as one of his “unguarded moments” the Foreign Secretary he was overheard to say “Given that the price of Crude Oil is now lower than Lard the only economic benefit Scotland is likely to enjoy is if they start frying Mars Bars in Petrol”

As reporters apparently chuckled behind their hands he is alleged to have continued “Did she really say they have ‘5 Tests for Independence’? How could you tell when all you can hear is that Bagpiper she takes everywhere with her? She could have said ‘5 Battered Haggis and a Buckfast’ for all you know!”

Whilst many observers believed that Mrs Sturgeon was using her speech to draw attention away from her U-Turn decision to drop the “50p tax rate for the rich” Mr Johnson seemed to think it was more to do with “clearing the decks before starting a Summer Season as Wee Jimmie Crankie at the Whitby Winter Gardens”

When later asked if his comments could spell disaster for Anglo/Scottish relations Mr Johnson replied that “There are no disasters, merely opportunities. And indeed, opportunities for fresh disasters”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.