Beneath the noise of scraping chairs, the cries of horror and bemused laughter Theresa May’s office quietly removed the text of a speech outlining her plans for a “post human rights Britain.”

The text, believed to outline her dystopian vision for a new post-Europe, post-facts and post-human rights future, is believed to have been removed as it was in breach of copyright.

The makers of the 1999 blockbuster ‘The Matrix’, the Wachowskis were said to be furious that Mrs May had plagiarised the plot of their film so heavily. The speech allegedly laid out detailed plans to grow future British subjects in vacuum sealed pods and harvest their organs and life forces in service of their robot masters.

Theresa May was unavailable for comment at time of going to press but a spokesman told us.

“Theresa has many ideas for a glorious dystopian future in which the rights of humans won’t interfere with machinations of government. She will publish a new speech in the morning, but right now she is watching Bladerunner with Phil upstairs.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.

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