The news that the final round of the Tory leadership contest will be between Andrea Leadsom and Theresa May has shaken the fashion world today as designers try to prepare for the return of the Twin-set and Pearls.

Theresa May looking gorgeous

“We’re used to style-proof MALE buffoons from Oxbridge,” said Stan Le Ogdenè, an up and coming Rochdale designer, “but it’s okay because you can’t possibly fail at wearing a suit- with the exception of Boris of course. But women are judged on how they dress and these two look like they were dragged through Marks and Spencer. In 1979!”

Indeed, with their desire to emulate their late heroine, Margaret Thatcher, the pair have been lucky, we are told, not to have been charged with crimes against fashion.

“May might not be a totally lost cause if I’m generous,” Liza Goode from top fashion house Lois Bitof told us, “ despite looking like a retired school ma’am at a funeral, she at least tries not to offend the eye.”

But not Andrea Leadsom?

“Gods no! She looks like someone let a six year old girl with a penchant for pink paint a life-size picture of Les Dennis in drag!”

Les Dennis wearing a bloody awful jacket

But it’s the fear that women across the nation may copy them that has the fashion world terrified rather than the women in power themselves. 

As Stan put it:

“As far as I am concerned they can dress like the wicked stepmother in a gaudy pantomime for all I care- in fact one of them does- but we have to take into account their influence when designing clothes! Do you know how hard we’ve worked to kill off the bloody Thatcher look? Bloody hard! But this time next year they’ll all be clutching crappy handbags and asking their husbands for pearl necklaces! 

Fashion and feminism are buggered!”

We asked Theresa May for comment but she was busy doing boring Home Office stuff, whereas Andrea Leadsom’s office told us that she couldn’t comment at the moment because she had a CV to re-re-re-re-write.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.