In the aftermath of the shocking shootings of both innocent black citizens and Police officers in Dallas, Americans have been quick to point out there clearly is a gun shortage right across the land of the free.

Local Dallas bank teller Mary Lou Kennedy told us “this is such a tragic waste of lives, and one that could so easily have been avoided if we armed every US citizen.”

“My daddy taught me to shoot when I was just 2 years old” Mary Lou went on to say, claiming it never did her any harm. “I’m now 39 and to this date I haven’t shot anybody. Well. Except my Grandaddy but that doesn’t count because I was six and that was an accident.”

Fully automatic rifles with laser scopes are on sale at Toys R Us

Texas law enforcement officer Bubba O’Rielly (jnr) was still in a state of disbelief that more Americans are still not packing enough heat.

“When will people learn?” He said, “it’s not like it’s down to a lack of education as we’ve been gunning down kids in our schools for decades now. Our children can see first hand the benefits of being heavily armed at all times.”

Possibly the most frightening statistic to arise from recent killing sprees is the fact that the average household across the country currently has as few as 2.3 guns, a statistic not lost on the NRA’s youth spokesman Niall “Quickdraw” Jefferson.

He told us with the current bill to allow children over 8 to carry a weapon at all times about to pass through congress that he hoped to up that figure to 3 guns per household, with at least one semi-automatic.

Beat Bobby and convicted murderer Michael Slager calmly shooting a terrified fleeing American


2,700 American children died from accidental self inflicted gunshot wounds in 2015.

We tried to approached a black youth for an opinion but they were all too busy fleeing from police officers or being dead to speak to us.

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.