Billionaire currency traders were jubilant after night of uncertainty saw the pound tumble to a 31 year low after reaching a five year high in less than six hours.
NM Rothschild and Sons, the banking giant founded in Greater Manchester in 1798 had an absolutely stellar night.
“Things haven’t been this good since we hedged our bets in the Napoleonic wars” joked Graeme Rees-Mogg, junior analyst and now a millionaire. “It’s not as hard as it looks really if you own a bunch of politicians and newspapers and stuff.”
Financial innovators NM Rothschild and Sons pretty much invented banking and financial instruments not far from Rochdale and haven’t looked back since.
“The trick is owning loads of gold when the market tanks then you can really clean up. It’s just difficult to know when the market is going to tank, unless you kind of ‘know’ when the market is going to tank. Do you know what I mean?”
Frankly we do not know what he means. “We can’t thank the voters of Rochdale enough. Thanks to them I can retire at 35. I’d be raising a glass of champagne to them but apparently Waitrose burned down yesterday.”
Analysts at The Rochdale Herald advise us that you should have waited until tomorrow before you invested any money in your pension and that gold would have been a safe investment a couple of days ago.
It looks like we got our country back.