In an astonishing move by the Kennel Club, the standards committee has released a press statement saying that if Britain decides to stay within the EU, the current generation of ‘British’ Bulldogs will be the last.

The British Bulldog is notriously inbred

A spokesperson said “In an effort to harmonize breeds and reduce any jingoistic resentment following an IN vote, we’ve decided to rename the breed the ‘European Bulldog’.

The French Poodle will retain it’s national identity

However, the French Poodle and the German Shepherd will remain unchanged due to those breeds truly representing the culture of their native countries.”

German Shepherds are outstanding guard dogs

Local Rochdale breeder Felicity Penge said, “I received an email from the K.C. as I’ve been a member for 45 years and judged for them several times. To say I was gob-smacked is an understatement. It’s an outrage. I’ve already voted OUT by post as my hip is playing up a bit lately, and I urge all my fellow breeders to vote out too to preserve our heritage. I’ve mailed them back asking if this will also affect my Staffies but so far they’ve failed to reply.”

The British Bulldog is notoriously inbred and suffers from chronic breathing, hip, back, digestion, pregnancy and intelligence problems. Critics say that simply continuing to breed the animal is an act of cruelty

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.