Reports that several British workers have had their employment terminated from the world famous British sofa manufacturer Zestra, because they failed to learn Polish have caused outrage and disbelief in Rochdale this week.

One worker, who cannot be named for reasons around his tribunal, told us;

“Management decided last year that we all had to learn to speak basic Polish if we could. To be honest most of the staff are immigrants but we’ve always managed with sign language and speaking slow and loud.”

As the management had originally framed the requirement as optional, many of the minority British workers had learned a few words and left it that but, as our source continued;

“A couple of weeks back we were all asked to do an oral test. I thought it was a bit of a laugh at the time. It could’ve been Martian for all I know and I expected afterwards that they might give us a few extra words to memorise or something.”

Instead he and several others received a letter in the mail informing them that they were being sacked for their lack of bilingualism.

“You could have knocked me out with a feather! They were sacking us on health and safety grounds because we couldn’t speak another country’s bloody language! It’s ridiculous! This is England not Po-bloody-land!”

With the EU referendum fast approaching, tensions in Rochdale are running high. Mark Sharkey, local UKIP councillor is disgusted. He told us that this is the kind of workplace treatment we can expect if Britain decides to stay in Europe and “£350 million a day is sent to Brussels to fund discrimination against our own people! It’s a disgusting state of affairs and this cannot be allowed to continue!”

Nigel Farage wasn’t available but a representative told us he was furious.

James Cardle -The Rochdale Herald

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.